For the fifth time in as many minutes, Jace slashed his magical longsword at the neck of yet another draugr as it lunged towards him, and he tried not to yawn. This particular undead Norse warrior was a bit quicker on the uptake than his brethren had been thus far, and actually used the ancient broadsword in it’s hand to block Jace’s slash. Not that it mattered. There was a flash of light as the two swords collided and the holy magic imbued in Jace’s sword lashed out on contact, creating a mini shockwave of holy energy that always made Jace’s skin feel warm and tingly as it flowed around him. To the undead, it was like standing next to a nuke as it went off. The ancient broadsword sheered in half, as though the wave of holy energy were a massive buzz saw. It did the same to the rusty armor, and once the holy energy met the rotting skin of the undead warrior beneath, there was a bright bout of holy fire that leapt from the wound and consumed the creature in an instant. It was all very flashy and impressive looking. Jace had seen it so many times it’d just become routine. After almost a decade, magic just wasn’t very magical to him anymore.
“God dammit! He didn’t even leave any loot!”
There was a loud thundercrack and bright flash of a purple-blue light from behind him, and Mark grunted. “Yeah, this one either.”
Jace turned to face his younger brother. The ancient crypt they were currently trekking through was dank and dark, but Mark had cast a spell that made a little pixie of light that hovered between the two brothers overhead, casting their surroundings in a faint blue light. It was good enough to see by in their immediate area, but not so bright as to be a big flashing sign saying “EAT ME!” to anything supernatural and nasty that may be lurking nearby. Not that they seemed to need to worry about that much here. The draugrs so far had been complete pushovers, and Jace was horribly bored.
His brother was dressed in the typical High Wizard robes that his colleagues wore. Mark’s were navy blue, immaculately tailored using the finest of magically strengthened spider-silk threads, and cinched closed by a braided gold cord which amplified the wearers magical power tenfold. It was very wizardly and ostentatious and Mark had been practically giddy when he’d had it made after being granted the rank of High Wizard by his order. He’d even had a pointy wizard hat that completed the outfit, but an Ogre, which unbeknownst to the brothers at the time were highly resistant to magic, ate it. He’d since had a spider-silk hood sewn into the collar instead, which he always wore up. He said it made him look “cool and mysterious”.
Jace thought it was because Mark thought that it made him look like a Jedi. Whatever. It reminded him of when they would play make believe as kids. Before…
He shook his head, as if the action would shake off the sudden wave of melancholy that threatened to crash over him. Instead, he took all that emotion and channeled it into his shield. With a roar, he swung the shield at a lingering draugr that had been slower to reanimate than his fellows. There was a loud CRACK and a blinding flash of light as the smite spell resolved. The sudden flash was temporarily blinding in the dark cavern, and when Jace’s vision cleared there was nothing left of the draugr but ash.
Mark scratched at his patchy beard with his left hand as he nonchalantly pointed his right index finger at a corner of the crypt that Jace couldn’t see. There was another, less intense, flash as a firebolt the size of a snowball materialized from the tip of the yellow dragon leather glove and streaked away. Jace didn’t see what Mark had shot at, it was safe to assume that it was another draugr, but the flames left behind caused Mark’s side of the crypt to flicker ominously. Jace idly wondered if there was much in the crypt that was flammable.
Mark shrugged. “I guess we’re over leveled for this dungeon?”
Jace rolled his eyes. “Dude, for the hundred-thousandth time, this isn’t a fucking video game!”
“Of course it is! We’re literally in a virtual reality simulation!” He nonchalantly torched another draugr that was shambling up from behind a pillar. “This is the very definition of a video game!”
Jace placed his shield on top of a nearby coffin and jabbed his sword into the stone beneath him. He leaned on the pommel in an effort to ease some of the weight off of his throbbing feet. Enchanted heavy armor is, not surprisingly, heavy. Jace figured the sword dorks of his paladin order would have wanted to bitch slap him for treating his sword that way if they had seen, but the fucking thing was enchanted all to hell, would never break, and would never lose it’s edge. The sword dorks could bite his ass. His feet hurt. “Yeah, well I realize it’s been a long while since you and I played anything, but I don’t recall all the pain.” he wrinkled his nose. “Or the bad smells. The really. Bad. Smells.”
Mark snorted. “It’s a really, really advanced video game. In fact, it reminds me of one of the ones we used to play as kids. Remember Skyrim?”
Jace nodded. “Yep. I’m sure this entire Cycle is based on it, along with a bunch of other popular fantasy things. It’s not a straight one for one translation, but it’s definitely close. We’ve lived through four Cycles now, and we’ve recognized things from all of them. I’m pretty sure a lot of them are programmed around stuff that the programmers loved from before the War. Movies, T.V. shows, video games, books.”
Mark bent down to examine something that fell out of a broken vase. It looked like some sort of gemstone. He scoffed and threw it back on the ground as he muttered “Not worth the carry weight.” He turned his attention back to his brother. “Yeah, that makes sense. Who knows how long we’ll be stuck in the Colony? That’s a lot of content they’d have to program to keep this thing going. Besides, it’s not like they have to worry about copyright infringement anymore, right?”
“I’m just glad that JRPG Cycle got voted down quick. After a week of that shit I was ready to commit seppuku.”
Jace sighed as he stood up straight and pulled the blade from the floor. The sooner they got this quest over with, the sooner they could get back to town and into the dining hall at the Inn. Jace was starving. Maybe he’d get lucky and convince the barmaid, Hilda, for a little fun time after she got off work. He was so lost in that pleasant thought that he didn’t notice the draugr that had shambled up behind him.
“Jace!”
The warning came a second too late, and Jace bellowed in pain as the draugr’s sword came crashing down on his right shoulder pauldron. Like all of his armor, the pauldron had been magically enchanted, so the draugr’s blade didn’t cut through; but the impact still hurt like a son of a bitch, and the force of the blow had knocked Jace off balance and sent him stumbling forward. A bolt of lightning arced past where his head had been and caught the draugr straight in the chest. For a brief moment the thing’s entire skeleton was visible in the bright flash, and then where the draugr had been was just a smoking crater and some ash. Jace stumbled into a stone sarcophagus and managed to steady himself.
Mark clucked at the black mark on the pauldron as he walked past. “Speaking of pain, not paying attention, even in a cakewalk place like this, is a good way to experience more of it.”
“Yes, mom.”
Mark’s chuckles echoed through the crypt as he walked on, his little pixy light following faithfully in his wake. If Jace didn’t want to get left behind in the dark, he needed to move. He grabbed his shield from the top of the coffin as he hustled past and followed in his brother’s wake. “Remind me why the hell we’re down here again?”
“Uhhh, some necromancer stole some ring from some guy? I honestly wasn’t paying much attention. I’d gotten to this fascinating section in that grimnoir I found and-“
“Right. Nevermind.” Jace rolled his eyes reflexively as he cut his brother off with dismissive wave of the hand. His brother was the walking embodiment of nerdom.
“I think the end of the line is just up ahead.” Mark pointed to a large metal door at the end of the corridor with his wand, the runes along it’s edge glowing with an inner white light as Mark channeled holy magics through it. “Ready to finish this?”
Jace twisted his head from side to side, causing his neck to crackle in several spots; and then he hefted his sword and shield. “Hell yes! Let’s kick this guy’s ass and get the hell out of here!”
Previous boredom now forgotten, Jace whooped as he leapt forward and kicked out at the metal door. The thing flew from it’s rusted hinges to collapse with a massive thud, as Jace stepped through the opening, brandished his holy sword, which now blazed with white holy fire, and declared, “REPENT, BITCHES, FOR THE END IS NEAR! I’m here to chew bubble gum and smite undead ass, and bubble gum doesn’t exist in this world!”
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