Tag Archives: fiction

5. Never Tell Me The Odds

Jace’s gun was in his hand in a blink. To her credit, so was Kayla’s. Mark held up a hand, hoping to ward off impending stupidity. “Woah! Hold on, guys!”

At the same time, Bertrude bellowed, “Cut that shit out! Both of you!”

Jace bared his teeth. “Are you crazy? Do you know what kind of bounty she has?”

Kayla smirked, “Just try and claim it, fuckhead.”

Bertrude slowly sat back down behind her desk and said, in a very clear and calm tone, “If you two don’t put your iron away right now, I will call my men in here and have them vent you both into space for the sheer aggravation you’re causing me. Believe it.”

Her tone let them both know, unequivocally, that she was not bluffing. Slowly, they both complied. Bertude gave it a beat, and then nodded. “Now, here’s how it is. I don’t care how big a bounty she has on her head for being stupid.”

“Hey!”

She leveled a finger at Kayla. “I owe her.” 

Her finger smoothly swung to Jace’s chest. ” And you,” her thumb thumped against her chest, “owe me, and I’m calling in your marker. ” She looked Jace directly in the eye and added, “This isn’t a suggestion, kid.” She shrugged as she leaned back in her chair. “You don’t want to comply, I’ll space you and move on to the next mope that owes me. You two jackasses just happened to be convenient.”

Mark could see Jace tense, so he placed a calming hand on his brother’s shoulder. Jace relaxed, just a bit, and asked, “What the hell did you steal to get that kind of bounty?”

Kayla spat a curse and replied, “I don’t wanna talk about it!”

Bertrude barked out a laugh. “She ‘stole’ the wrong asshole’s wife!”

Jace’s eyebrows shot up and he grinned. “Oh, really?”

Kayla rolled her eyes and swore under her breath, “Fucking A.I.D.A.!”

Mark caught it and perked up. “Wait! Did you just say A.I.D.A.?”

Kayla looked up at him and blushed, “Uh, yeah. Don’t worry about it. You wouldn’t get it.”

Mark elbowed his brother in the ribs, “She’s a C.M.!”

Kayla leaned over Betrude’s desk and shouted, “What did you say?!” at the same time as Jace.

Mark returned his attention to Kayla. “You mentioned A.I.D.A. You’re from the Colony!”

Kayla blinked. “Holy shit, are you for real? Both of you?”

Jace nodded, visibly dumbstruck. “Uh, yeah. Our accounts are linked.”

“Holy shit,” Kayla whispered again.

Bertrude looked from the brothers and back to Kayla, visibly confused. “Well, I don’t know what the fuck you guys are talking about, but if it means you’ll stop being a pain in my ass and get the fuck out of here, I’m all for it. Now, it just so happens that I’ve got a way for you to square the sexual dynamo here with the guy she pissed off, while still making some creds for yourselves.”

Jace was still shaking off the shock of finding another C.M., but he nodded absently, “Okay, I’m listening. What’s the scheme?”

“The guy Kayla here pissed off is a scumhole named Barton Maggs. He’s a local gangster. Nothing big time, but he’s got enough swing in this system to be a pain in the ass. The only person he’s currently pissed off at more than your new friend here is his former Lieutenant, Martin Zayle. Zayle pulled a big job for Maggs, but then betrayed and killed the crew before skipping with the creds. Bring in Zayle and Maggs will pay you triple what he’s asking for her,” she hooked a thumb at Kayla and then shifted her gaze in that direction, “and he’d be more than happy to trade your bounty for his head. You two get a payday, Kayla gets her life, such as it is, back, and I pay off a favor; while still receiving my ten percent finder’s fee, of course.”

Jace snorted, “Of course.”

“Work together and this ends happy for everyone.”

Jace looked like he was about to argue, but Mark elbowed him in the ribs again. “She’s one of us. We have to help her!”

Jace crossed his arms, still obviously annoyed at being bossed around. “Problem is without her bounty, we don’t have enough creds to fuel our ship.”

Bertrude rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath, “Broke assed hunters.” 

“Get her to your ship. I’ll flip you the creds to fuel.” She gestured with a finger, and for a split second her right eye flashed blue. Both brothers just about lost their shit when the same thing happened to them half a second later, as text was projected over their vision in blue “+500 credits transferred”. Bertrude looked disgusted at their reaction. “What the hell is wrong with you two? You haven’t started dusting have you?”

Jace ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “No, it’s just been a long ass day. Okay, we’ll get her out of here. How do we find Zayle?” 

Gertrude made another gesture, and again the display flashed in the upper left corner of his vision. 

File received.

She grunted. “That’s everything I’ve got on the both of them. Should give three experienced mercs like yourselves plenty of places to start.”

Jace looked over at Kayla, frowned, and gestured with a finger at her purple spiked mohawk. “I don’t suppose you’ve got a cloak or something to cover that up, do you? It’s like a walking shoot me sign.”

Kayla flipped him the bird in reply, but reached behind her head and pulled up a hood to cover her hair. 

Bertrude nodded. “Good. Now-“

A beep from her desk cut her off. She stabbed a finger at a button and bellowed, “What?”

“We’ve got a small crowd of mercs gathering out here. It looks like more are coming. I think someone dropped the dime on your girl.”

“Dammit! Okay, keep them tied up as long as you can.” She keyed off the comm and then cursed again. “I was hoping we could get you on your ship before anyone got wise.” 

She spent a few seconds typing furiously on a screen that Jace couldn’t see, and then she grunted. “I’ve got your ship fueling now, and my boys are preflighting your ship. You should be ready to jet as soon as you’re on board.”

Jace hooked a thumb on his gunbelt. “Great. Now, how do we get her there without getting swarmed?”

Bertrude snorted and flipped another switch under her desk. A portion of the wall behind her clicked and then slid up, revealing a dimly lit corridor beyond. “Always have a back door, kid. This’ll take you straight to the hangers. They’ll have spotters looking for the girl, but they probably won’t twig to you two bozos yet. If you’re quick, and don’t do anything stupid, you might even make it.”

Kayla pulled her cloak a little tighter around herself. “Thanks, Bertrude.”

“Thank me after you’ve gotten off the station alive and nabbed that bounty. Now fuck off outta here.”

They fucked off outta there.

The corridor was pitch black, but after a few steps a dim light lit the hall just in front of them. As they continued to move forward the dim lights would appear before them and then go out behind them. Anyone who tried to follow would be virtually blind. Smart. Jace’s respect for Bertrude went up a few notches. It didn’t take long to get to the end of the corridor. There was a panel with an obvious red button. 

Jace glanced back at the others and whispered, just to be safe, “Okay, I’ll open up and take a peak around. Make sure the way to the ship is clear.”

The others nodded, but stayed quiet. Jace drew his gun and punched the button. The wall panel swished silently up, just as the one in Bertrude’s office had. Jace cautiously eased his head out and looked both ways. The door opened behind a stack of crates. Again, smart. Jace eased his way out and crept along the crate until he could peak around it. Jace assumed the ship just in front of his crate was Bertrude’s. It was a stubby purple shuttle barely big enough for two people. Jace figured it was built for speed, not comfort. Just beyond the ship he could see the wider hanger. The Lonestar was on the far side from where they were, because of-fucking-course it was. Unfortunately, the entire hanger was already crawling with mercs who were clearly on the lookout. 

“For fuck’s sake! Nothing can ever be simple!”

Jace crept his way back to the others. “Okay, good news is our ship is about fifty yards thattaway.” He hooked a thumb behind him. “The bad news is Punk Chick’s fan club is already waiting for her autograph. There’s at least seven that I could see.”

Kayla spat a curse. Mark scratched at the back of his head. “Were they guarding our ship, or just generally milling around?”

“Milling around. I think they’re just doing like Bertrude said and making sure she can’t hop a ship and leave. They probably wouldn’t hassle us if we headed to our ship, but that won’t do her any good.”

Mark grinned. “Sure it will.”

They waited to make sure not too many were looking their way, and then Jace and Mark stepped out from behind the crates and walked around the shuttle to head for their ship. One of the mercs noticed and elbowed his partner. “The hell they come from?”

His partner, a portly older guy in leathers, spun around, revealing a massive fire-red beard that completely covered the man’s mouth. The thicket bobbled up and down, and a muffled baritone could be heard exclaiming in their direction. “The fuck’re you two assholes doin back there?!”

Mark made a show of wiping at his hands with a dirty rag he found while Jace let his frustration with the entire situation come through in his performance. “The fuck you think we were doing, shit-for-brains? We were servicing ‘her majesty’s’ fucking puddle skipper as penance for being late on a damn payment. Now, we’re getting on our ship and fucking off outta here. I’ve had enough of this place for one trip.”

Beardy’s partner nudged him again. “Ain’t thems the Reynolds boys? Oy, why aren’t you lot looking for the purple haired girly? Didn’t you get the ping?”

Jace snorted. “Yeah, we got it. Us and every other merc on this hollowed out rock. You guys wanna fight each other over the bounty, go ahead. My brother and I got business elsewhere we gotta jet to.”

He threw the two a mock salute and walked past, Mark in tow.

Once they were out of earshot mark muttered, “Nice job.”

“Thanks; I almost pissed myself. Head on up and holler when you’re set.”

“Aye, Cap’n.”

Mark hurried up the boarding ramp while Jace tried to look casual by leaning against the landing strut. 

Mark plopped in the pilot’s chair and hurriedly glanced over his status screens. Bertrude’s guys had fueled them up and gotten the ship ready to go, as promised. He let out a momentary sigh of relief. “Great, now where’s the guns? I just freaking saw it right before we… Ha!”

He punched a button and the swivel cannon dropped down from beneath the cockpit. He took another steadying breath and then keyed the comm line they’d established with Kayla. “Alright, I’m in position.”

Jace’s voice came back slightly distorted in his ear. “Okay, Kayla. Let’s do this. I got the three on the left.”

“Got it.”

Mark watched through the cockpit and Kayla, cloak pulled tight down over her face, came out from around the shuttle and started heading for the Lonestar at a pace that wouldn’t draw attention. Once again, it took a few moments, but Beardy and his partner noticed and went to interrogate her. 

“Hey, it’s another one! Now, what the hell were you doin’ back there? And don’t say servicin’ no shuttle cuz-“

Kayla didn’t even break stride. She pulled her shotgun from under her cloak and shot Beardy right in the face. His partner didn’t even clear his holster before she turned him into meat confetti, too. Jace went to work with his own sidearm, while Mark used the swivel gun. The hanger was clear in under three seconds.

Jace surveyed their handiwork as Kayla reloaded her shotgun. “Huh. That actually went pretty smoothly. I don’t think anyone but us even got off a shot! Hot damn, are we good or are we good?”

Of course, that’s when a small battalion of more mercs, alerted by all the gunfire, swarmed into the hanger.

“Meep!” Jace exclaimed heroically.

“You just had to fucking jinx it, didn’t you!?” Kayla snarled as she booked it for the boarding ramp. 

Rounds ricocheted off of the hull by Jace’s head as he quickly followed Kayla into the safety of the ship. “Chewie, get us outta here!”

“Hold on to something!” The deck lurched beneath Jace’s feet and almost sent him ass over tea kettle as Mark lifted off and slewed the ship around to exit the hanger. Kayla let out a yelp and there was a crash, but Jace missed what had happened. He’d just managed to regain his balance when Mark kicked in the thrusters and sent him sprawling again. “Yeeehaw!”

Jace rubbed at a lump that was starting to form where his head had met the deck. “Ow.”

Mark’s voice echoed from the cockpit. “Engaging the skip drive!”

There was another, more gentle lurch, and Jace let out a sigh of relief. “Well, that was fun.”

Kayla grunted as she pulled herself up off of the deck. “Yeah, you two are a blast to hang with.”

“Hey! We weren’t the ones that got caught screwing a gangster’s wife!”

“I didn’t do shit! That was the fucked up backstory A.I.D.A. stuck me with, asshole! This has been the absolute worst fucking cycle start yet!”

Mark emerged from the cockpit and tried being diplomatic. “Well, the important thing is we got away and we have a job that’ll help all three of us. Plus, it’s kind of amazing that we found each other! The odds of C.M.s running into each other during a cycle are supposed to be damn near impossible!”

Jace grimaced. “Yeah, and I don’t like it.” He held up a hand to forestall comment. “No offense, Kayla. I just mean it’s kinda disconcerting. Sure, it could just be a glitch or a fluke…”

Mark rolled his eyes. “Will you relax?”

Kayla frowned. “No, what were you going to say?”

Jace plopped into a chair and shrugged. “I’m just saying, I’ve been noticing little things here and there. Little….glitches, I guess. Nothing major. Objects briefly spazzing out or disappearing for a split second and then reappearing. I noticed it a few times in the last few months just before the reset. Now, something that’s supposed to be damn near impossible just happened. I just hope it’s not a sign that something might be up with A.I.D.A.”

Mark shook his head. “You worry too much. You’re starting to sound like dad.”

Jace replied with a single finger.

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Filed under Ongoing Serials, Virtually Reality

The Thick Man

thickman

One night my friend Mark and I were joking around and he said that I should write a fictional book based on my real life, with me as the main character. I told him that was the most ridiculous idea that I’d ever heard; but we started joking about it and throwing around ideas and by the end of the conversation it became a “thing”. We spent the last couple of months of Mark’s life kicking around ideas and plot points for this silly book that would be a comedic homage to The Thin Man by Dashiell Hammett- a favorite of both of ours. Unfortunately Mark passed away before we could get much farther than a list of notes, gags, and funny lines. A couple of years after his death I finally decided to try and write the thing. It was a lot of fun. I had a blast writing it. My test readers enjoyed reading it. The problem was it was shy of being novel length, adding anything to it to hit the word count I needed just felt like padding and didn’t work for the story, and it’s incredibly difficult to sell a novella as a (traditionally) unpublished author. So it’s sat collecting metaphorical dust for a few years now. Well, I’ve taken a break from writing since getting married, and I’ve been trying to work my way back into giving it another go. I thought a good way to do that would be to finally put this out there for people to read. So here you go, I present to you The Thick Man. I hope you enjoy it.

Blurb:
When down on his luck private investigator, Nicholas Taft, is asked by his best friend, homicide detective Nora Charleston, to help with a high-profile murder investigation, he figured it was just another badly needed paycheck and a chance to help a friend. He never dreamed that he’d end up stuck in the middle of a turf war between the mob and local gangs with a price on his head so large that it sends every hitman, gangbanger, and opportunistic hood in Saint Louis after him.
Nick Taft isn’t a traditional literary hero. Born with a medical condition where his body fails to produce testosterone, Nick weighs over five hundred pounds and has numerous medical issues, not the least of which is a bum knee that requires the use of a cane. Coming from a long line of cops and lawyers, Nick feels the need to follow in the family tradition, and after a few failed attempts at various criminal justice careers, Nick’s unique perspective and quick wit earn him some notoriety as a private investigator. When several recently released ex-cons are graphically murdered, the media sensation that it creates puts pressure on the police to solve the case quickly. Nick is brought in as a consultant, and through the course of the investigation, Nick and Nora discovers that someone is using ex-cons as ambassadors to unite all of the gangs in Saint Louis. After dodging kidnapping attempts and the interests of the local mob boss, Nick and Nora have to find out who is behind this new drug organization before it gets them both killed… and maybe solve that pesky murder case in the process. The Thick Man is a homage to the noir classic The Thin Man by Dashiell Hammett, with a blend of comedy and drama similar in style to the hit television show Castle starring Nathan Fillion.

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Filed under Novels, Rant Alert

4. The Gig

“This is so fucking cool!”

For the fifth time in as many minutes, Jace brushed back his black leather duster and drew his sidearm in one fluid motion, quick as an eye blink. He twirled the pistol a few times before expertly holstering it as part of the final spin. He grinned up at his brother and spread his hands, as though to say “ta-da!”

Mark couldn’t help but smile at his older brother’s childlike enthusiasm. Mark had been the same way at the beginning of the last Cycle, and Jace had gamely let him have his fun. He decided to return the favor. “That’s awesome, man!” 

Jace was the Captain of the ship, and had chosen “gunslinger” as his skill set. As such, he’d spent the last hour exploring the Lonestar and practicing gun tricks. Mark, on the other hand, had volunteered to be the pilot. While the core skills for the occupations they had chosen were something that A.I.D.A. uploaded, for lack of a better description, at the beginning of a Cycle, there was still a lot for Mark to learn about the ship and how things worked before he’d really be very effective at his job. The folks that programed the Cycle, and by extension A.I.D.A., weren’t much for hand holding. Jace guessed they figured that the Colony Members had all the time in the world. Why make things too easy on them?

The Lonestar was an old converted freighter that looked like a brick with wings slapped on it’s side. It wasn’t very pretty, but it was functional. From what Mark could gather, it was pretty middle of the road as far as speed went, but it’d been modified with a decent set of armaments and defenses, so they could probably hold their own in a fight if it came to it. Knowing Jace, it most assuredly would, and he’d want to have the ship customized and upgraded as soon as they could afford it. His brother may at times seem wealth-oriented, but Mark knew it wasn’t out of a sense of greed or the need to have the best of everything. Jace had spent their entire childhood fending for them to survive. As a result, his brother couldn’t help but focus on amassing resources as quickly as possible at the start of each new Cycle. Jace was like a squirrel always perpetually preparing for winter, and couldn’t even begin to relax until he was sure he and his brother had more than enough, both financially and in firepower. Jace was the guy with the plan. The big picture guy. Mark had always been his right hand and the one that kept his brother grounded. It’d worked for them. They survived when so many others that they’d known hadn’t.

Like their parents. 

Mark returned his attention to memorizing the ship’s schematics. The Lonestar had enough private quarters to house five crew members, though at the moment there was only the two of them. He and Jace would need to talk about whether they wanted to try to hire any sims as crew, or if they’d do their usual thing and just keep it the two of them. There was also a cargo hold that had been converted into a prisoner transport area. Ten individual force cages lined the walls. At the center was an airtight security station. In an emergency, one or all of the cells could be vented into the cold vacuum of space, while the crew member at the security station would be protected. Mark shivered at the thought. Brutal, but effective. He hoped he’d never need to use it. 

The panel next to him started to beep.

Jace’s head popped up from over Mark’s shoulder and he pointed at the flashing indicator light. “What’s that flashing?”

Mark scratched at his head. “Communications.”

Jace dramatically leveled a finger at the console and bellowed, “On screen!”

Mark snorted. “Jesus, you’re going to be insufferable, aren’t you?”

He grinned. “Reap the whirlwind, wizard nerd.”

Mark rolled his eyes and hit the indicated button. The screen on the co-pilot’s side of the cockpit sprang to life, replacing the field of stars with an image of a middle aged human male, with pasty white skin, a bright orange handlebar moustache, and thin grey-red hair haloing a massive bald spot. He was enthusiastically puffing at what looked like a fat brown cigar, the front cherrying orange-red with each inhale. Identifying information scrolled across the bottom of the screen in mustard yellow:

Name: Manny Mans

Occupation: Fixer/Bail Bondsman

Relationship Status: Working Allies- Five Years

Mark glanced up at his brother and then gestured at the screen. Jace took the hint and repositioned so that Manny could see him better. “Manny! Long time. What can we do for you?”

Manny blew out a huge billow of smoke and then flashed a Cheshire smile that was all yellowed teeth. “Boys! I’m glad I got ahold of you before you jumped system! Got a job. Big one. She’s a difficult case, and I need the best. So, I asked myself, I says, ‘Manny? When you need the best, you know who you need to call?’ And I replied, ‘Yer goddam right I do! I need to call the Reynolds Brothers!’ I says to myself, ‘When you need a tough job done right, that’s who you call!'”

Jace blinked. “Wow, you said a lot. To yourself. Thanks, I guess? Who’s the quarry?”

Manny pushed a button and his image was replaced with another. This one was a grainy shot clearly taken from some kind of security footage. It was a zoomed in head shot of a young human woman, maybe late twenties to early thirties. What was left of her hair was bright purple and styled in a pointy mohawk. She also had a few silver rings in her nose, ears, lips, and probably a few other places that Jace couldn’t see. There were also what looked like black and red tattoo’s snaking up her throat in a weave pattern, but the image was zoomed too tight for Jace to really tell what it might be. Jace wasn’t normally into the whole punk chick aesthetic, but the woman in the image was definitely making it work for her. 

“She calls herself Kayla Blaze. She’s wanted for theft in three systems. Got a bounty on her head of twenty kay. There’s a ten thou bonus if you bring her in alive.” He chuckled, and it sounded like a walrus grunt-fucking. Jace tried not to laugh at the mental image. “She musta really pissed the wrong people off to have a bounty that high just for theft. Bad for her, good for us, eh boys?! Ha! Anywhos, one of my feelers just sent word that she was spotted out just a short skip from where you are, at Port Orion. Thought maybe you could take a look before she blows in the wind. If you bag her, I get my standard twenty percent finder’s. Sending you the deets now. Just watch yer asses, ‘kay? Word is she’s a bad bitch. Already took out a few hunters on her trail. Did ’em messy. Don’t let the looks fool ya, eh? Think with the right head.” He looked knowingly at Jace and gestured with his cigar when he said that last, and Jace felt personally attacked. “Happy hunting, boys.”

The screen winked out and Mark scoffed, “Charming guy. Definitely seems to know you pretty well.”

“Har, har.”

Mark’s console beeped again and a file popped up on his monitor. “Uh, yeah, I got the location. Port Orion. Marked as a ‘Free Trade Space Station,’ whatever that means. According to this, known as a stop off for rowdy types- pirates, smugglers, scoundrel’s. Provides fuel, gambling, and ‘entertainment’.”

Jace smacked his hands together and started to rub vigorously. “Hell, yes! My kind of place!” 

Mark punched a few more buttons. “Oh, thank God this navigation system is nothing complicated! Looks like I can just click the link he sent and the autonav will automatically set the coordinates and take us there when I engage the drive.”

“Make it so, Number One! Engage!”

“Dude, you have got to stop.”

Mark keyed the skip drive and space ahead of them seemed to warp and bend. There was a bright flash and then a massive asteroid was right in front of them. Mark blinked. No, it wasn’t an asteroid. Well, it was. Or had been, anyway. Structures had clearly been built into the surface, and now ships came and went, swarming all around it like knats.

Jace gasped behind him. “Well, that was trippy. What the hell happened?”

“I used the skip drive. According to the brief you should have read, in this Cycle faster-than-light travel is achieved by using ‘skip drives’ that somehow warp and bend space around the ship, instantly moving it from one place to another, as long as that place is near a ‘skip beacon’. Don’t ask me how the hell that even works, because I understand fuck-all right now.”

“Fair enough. I guess take us in close and see if we can find a parking spot? Do we need to hail a tower and request landing or something?”

Mark glared up at his brother. “Do I look like A.I.D.A.? How the hell should I know?”

“You’ve been doing your nerd thing and reading the whole time we’ve been here!”

“Dude, it’s been a fucking hour! Unfortunately, I can’t just directly download everything straight into my brain.”

Jace held up both hands in supplication. “Okay, okay! Sorry. I’m just excited is all. Take your time to figure out what you need to figure out.”

“Thank you.”

Jace was silent for a few breaths, and then he muttered, “Just saying, sooner would be better. We don’t want to lose h-“

As nut taps go, it wasn’t the hardest that Mark had ever given his brother. Still, it got the message across and Jace shut the fuck up. Mark was skimming the parts of their brief he hadn’t gotten to yet, hoping some of this basic stuff might be outlined, when he was spared the further need by someone from Port Orion hailing them.

Lonestar, you planning on landing or just enjoying the view?”

The voice was gruff, but sounded like it was probably a female. Mark keyed the comm. It was voice only, thank God. He didn’t know if he could handle a face full of weird alien right then. “Uh, yeah Orion. There a place you want us to go, or…”

“Bloody hell, Mark! You act like you’ve never been here before! Land in Bay Four and fuck off down to see me. I may have a job for you and that jackass of a brother you fly with. Don’t keep me waiting. Bertrude, out.”

Mark blinked. “I guess Bertrude wants us to land in Bay Four and ‘fuck off’ to see her.”

“I guess so,” Jace wheezed.  

Mark grabbed the control yoke and eased the ship towards where Dock Four was indicated on his nav screen. Once again, he was amazed at how easily skills came to him that he had no practical experience using. He’d never piloted anything in his life, much less a starship; yet he almost instinctually knew what to do, as though he’d been flying his ship for decades. Easy as breathing. Not for the first time, Mark silently wished he could learn other things that way. Maybe that was the point of doing the Colony this way? At this rate, by the time the Colony is released from hypersleep, the Members would have lived so many lives that they’d be natural experts on all kinds of things. Probably intentional, he decided. He knew the reasoning was that a human brain in hypersleep long term without stimulation tends to drive the host insane. Why just kill a single bird when you could hit a couple with one stone?

Jace’s head appeared over his shoulder once again, only this time he was decidedly less rambunctious. “So, was there anything in the brief that you saw that mentioned this Bertrude?”

“She’s the administrator of Port Orion. She’s also something of a minor crime boss. Port Orion is known for being the Mos Eisley of this area of space.”

Jace did his best Kenobi impression. “You’ll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.”

Mark leveled a finger at him and winked. “Ex-actly. That said, according to the brief, we’ve worked for her in the past…both officially and under the books. It didn’t give any more details than that.”

Jace grunted. “So odds are, she really does have a job for us. Whether it’ll be above board or not is up in the air.”

“Odds are.”

Jace brightened. “Great! We’ll go see what Bertrude wants and maybe score another gig. She may even be able to point us to where we might run into that Kayla chick, too. If Bertrude is the head honcho, there’s no way she isn’t aware that someone with a bounty on her head is running around.”

Mark arched an eyebrow up at him. “Why are you so gung-ho all of a sudden? We just popped into this Cycle and you’ve already got us diving in the deep end before we’ve learned to swim.”

Jace rolled his eyes. “Well, little brother, while you’ve been reading the brief, I’ve been looking into other important factors. Stuff like what our bank account looks like. How much food and fuel we have. You know, stuff that’ll directly keep us alive for the immediate future; and it ain’t looking great. A.I.D.A. has us coasting in on fumes; and unless there’s some secret credit account that was listed in the brief where we’ve got shit stored away, the Reynolds Brothers weren’t exactly killing it recently. I don’t think we’ll have enough to refuel.”

Mark sighed. “God dammit. Why do they always start us off in the shit every Cycle?”

Jace shrugged. “Maybe because we tethered our accounts? I know the eggheads really didn’t like us doing that.”

“Maybe…” He shook his head. “Or, maybe it’s just because if you have to scramble to survive right out of the gate, you don’t have time to think about things. It kinda forces you to live in the life right away.”

“You can say that again.” There was a slight jolt as Mark set the Lonestar down in the hanger. Jace gripped his brother’s shoulder. “For the first time ever landing, that was a great job, man. I know Bertrude said to not keep her waiting, but take a few more minutes to finish skimming the brief while I get our shit together. I’d rather not walk into any surprises we could have known ahead of time about.”

“Right.”

Ten minutes later, the two brothers met at the exit hatch. Jace handed Mark a black vest. “Put this on under your jacket.”

Mark shrugged out of his brown leather jacket, pulled the vest over his head, and used the Velcro straps to secure it into place. “Bulletproof vest?”

Jace nodded. “We have a gun cabinet in the cargo hold that apparently serves as our armory. There were a bunch of different types of guns and these vests. Figured better to have them and not need them…”

“Right.” 

Next, Jace handed over what looked like a sci-fi version of a sawed off shotgun. “Here. You’re a shitty shot-“

“Fuck you.”

“-but with this you don’t need to be Annie Oakley. Just point, click, and you’re good. Range is probably going to be shit, so best to only use it when you’re too close to miss. Oh, and make sure to brace yourself when you fire. I’d assume it’ll kick like a mule until it proves otherwise.”

Mark worked the pump and loaded a round with a satisfying cha-chick. “Got it. Hopefully we won’t need to worry about it.”

Jace snorted. “Yeah, because that’s how our lives usually work.”

As the hatch opened a ramp extended, allowing the brothers to exit the ship to the deck below. There were a few other ships parked in the bay, mostly personal short distance craft the size of bi-planes. The two brothers couldn’t help but take a moment to gawk at the scene beyond the magconfield that held in the atmosphere, their mouths agape. According to the information that was available in the ships databanks, Port Orion was originally a mining station, and was built within a giant asteroid belt that had been located near the Orion nebula. Those asteroids were, apparently, rich in elements that were highly sought after; so much so that the entire field was mined to practically nothing within a century. It still had an amazing view of the nebula though, so Bertrude bought it and converted it into the waypoint for ne’er-do-wells it was today. 

Mark’s voice was barely audible. “That is the most amazingly beautiful thing that I’ve ever seen.”

Jace could just dumbly nod in agreement. 

They stood like that for a few minutes, until Jace snapped out of his daze and nudged his brother. “Come on, we should get moving. After the jobs are done we’ll take the ship and just sight see for a bit.”

As they started to walk Jace gripped his brother by the shoulders and side hugged him. “Can you believe we’re in fucking space!? God, I’ve waited my whole life for this!”

Mark couldn’t help but once again grin at his brother’s enthusiasm. He hadn’t seen him this way since they were little kids, before the war. “I know man. You finally get to live out your Han Solo fantasy.”

Jace playfully ruffled his hair. “And I couldn’t do it without you, Chewie! Now, let’s go see what Jabba wants.” 

As it turned out, the Star Wars metaphor was pretty apt. The station was bustling with humans and various alien species that looked like something taken straight from George Lucas’ dome. There seemed to be beings of every shape, size, and configuration that could be imagined. A lot looked like humanoid versions of animals found on Earth. Mark saw a few lizard people; some obviously humanized beavers, which was disturbing; cat people; wolf people; bird people, and so on. There were also the more alien designs, with skin tones in weird colors and body part arrangements that were just weird or off. 

From next to him Jace whistled, “Wow, they really went buck-wild on the creativity for some of these.”

“No kidding. I wonder where… oh! There’s a sign. Administrator’s office is that way.”

Mark pointed and Jace grunted. “I’ll never get over having shit downloaded into my head. Like that sign is obviously not in English. It’s some weird script that they call ‘galactic standard’, and the fact that I inherently know that and can read it is both really cool and really unsettling.”

Mark was about to reply when he was suddenly shouldered aside by a massive alien that looked like he was a cross between a mountain and a walrus. The thing spun and barble-grunted in an an obviously angry tone. Whatever language the thing was speaking hadn’t been one that A.I.D.A. uploaded, but Jace knew a bully when he saw one. He also knew that overt aggression was pretty universal in getting a point across. His gun was out of it’s holster and tucked under the thing’s… chin, before it could finish it’s threat.

“You should be more careful, friend. Someone could get hurt. Now, I suggest you apologize to my brother and move the fuck on.” 

He emphasized that last with the click of his gun’s hammer cocking. The alien’s eyes bulged and it nodded very slowly. Message received. It mumbled something and then hurried off down the corridor. Jace waited for it to disappear into the crowd before holstering his weapon and offering his brother a hand up.

Mark grunted. “Look at you, being all diplomatic.”

“Yeah, I’m a galactic Kissinger.”

“Who?”

Jace rolled his eyes. “Nevermind. Let’s get moving.”

The boys managed to weave their way to Bertrude’s office without further diplomatic incidents, and was stopped by two beefy guards in matching leather outfits, cheerless dispositions, and automatic weapons. Mark nervously looked to his older brother, who shrugged and took a step forward with a smile. 

“Heya, boys! Bertrude told us to fuck off up to see her, so we’ve fucked off directly here. Mind if we go in?”

The two guards shared a glance, with expressions that read to Mark as they’d prefer to rip the brother’s heads off and then use them as toilets. Instead, the one on the left grunted and hit a button next to the door. The door wooshed open and Bertrude’s voice bellowed from beyond, “Well, fuck off in here already!”

Mark nervously sidled between the two guards, who clearly had no intention of moving at all. Jace rolled his eyes and pushed his way past in a show of bravado that made Mark proud. While it appeared that Jace had no fucks to give, in reality he was about to piss himself. He figured they wouldn’t want to piss off their boss by fucking with the guy that she clearly and urgently wanted to see. His gamble was rewarded when the guards hurled curses and growls at his back, but not bullets. 

Bertrude’s office was large and painted piss yellow. It was not a stylistic choice that Jace would have gone with, but there’s no arguing taste. That said, the impressive collection of weapons from all over the galaxy that completely covered the walls and were displayed in cases surrounding the room distracted from the poor color choice. The only other furniture in the room was a black desk that took up the entire north wall and two metal chairs in front of it. From behind the massive desk stood Bertrude, who was easily as intimidating as the office that she owned. She stood at least seven feet tall, with a wide, muscular frame to match. She also had four, three fingered arms, like Goro from Mortal Kombat, and massive tusks the grew from her lower jaw like a warthog.  

She spread her four arms wide and bellowed, “Finally! Boys! Get in here! You took your sweet ass time getting here, and we didn’t have much to begin with!”

If Jace was put off by Bertrude’s appearance, he didn’t show it. He did his best Han Solo impression and spread his hands with a smile. “Bertrude! We got here as soon as we could! What’s the big rush?”

“I got a gig that needs doing, and since you two owe me, you’re gonna be the ones that do it.”

Jace blinked, but took it in stride. “Okay, what’s the gig?”

Bertrude reached under her desk and pressed a button, and a door designed to blend into the wall slide aside and a woman stepped into the office. 

A very familiar woman.

“Boys, this is Kayla Blaze, and you’re going to smuggle her off of Orion.”

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Filed under Ongoing Serials, Virtually Reality

I’m Back! An Update and Announcement

I’ll be celebrating my fifth wedding anniversary next month. That’s really wild to say “out loud”. In some respects time has flown by. In others, so much has happened it feels like it’s been a lot longer than that. In that time while I’ve played around with various side projects and posted a post here and there I’ve largely just been focusing on family and personal stuff. Now, I feel like I’m finally in a place where I can go back to focusing on writing “full time”. I have a new book series, the foundation/notes for which I’ve been working on for several years now, that I’m about the start writing in earnest; but before I do that I wanted to do something that I’ve been wanting to do for almost a decade now. I wrote my first novel, The Chosen: Rebirthing, with my best friend Mark Ruelius. We worked on that book for close to ten years, but tragically Mark died just before we finished the final draft. I’d made him a promise that I’d get it published, and I wanted to preserve as much of what Mark wrote as I could without any interference, so I self published the novel in two parts (because it was just too expensive to publish otherwise). I’d gone through more edits than I can count, and I tried to make it as professional as I could, but it was our first novel and it showed. I went back and re-read it recently and I was honestly ashamed that I allowed myself to publish it in the state it was in. There were an embarrassing amount of problems I missed because at the time I was too inexperienced and too close to the project to see them, and quite a few places that needed to be outright cut or rewritten that at the time I just couldn’t emotionally bring myself to do without Mark. That said, I still love the story. I love what Mark and I made together. I want to do that story justice, and put the ten years or so of experience I now have into making a version that Mark would be proud of.

That said, I’ve spent the last month going back through and re-editing the entire book with the intention of re-publishing it sometime this year, whenever it’s ready. I currently have several people doing beta-reads for me now, and I’ll be doing another edit pass shortly. The story has been cleaned up quite a bit, expanded in some places, trimmed in others. A lot of grammatical issues that were missed last time are being addressed. The two parts will be put back together into a single novel, as was originally intended. Shawn Skvarna, a professional artist and good friend of Mark’s and mine who did the original cover, will be doing a new cover. My good friend, and professional voice actress, Joi Holloway will be narrating an unabridged audiobook version that’ll be available on Audible along side the Kindle edition. Both versions will also include a never before seen short story that will fill in some backstory on a very important character. As of now I don’t have plans to publish hard copy versions because it’s just too expensive to do given it’s length. I hope to have for you soon the novel that we always intended to deliver, and I hope that you all will give it a chance and enjoy it. I intend to post more regular updates here, along with other posts, maybe some short stories. You know, fun stuff, as I get back into the swing of writing again. I hope you’ll come along with me on the ride.

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We Need Your Support!

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The first Counter Monkey Kickstarter didn’t make goal so our own Shawn Skvarna and Jessie Arnold are taking another shot with a more modest goal. Please check out the link and consider showing them a little Kickstarter love. The bundles they’ve included as pledge rewards are pretty cool. Also, just wanted to remind all you fine folks that our Independence Day Sale is still going strong. Kindle editions of all our books are just $0.99, so be sure to take advantage! You can get a full list of the books we have available, descriptions, links to samples, and links to where you can purchase them here. We’d also appreciate it if you’d help spread the word about both events, as we could really use your support. Word of mouth is pretty much everything when it comes to independent publishing, and we really appreciate anything you can do/have done! Happy 4th of July!

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Moving On: Chapter Five

Moving On

The awesome thing about being a spirit is that being stuck in a bathroom all day wasn’t nearly as horrible as I was expecting due to the weird way time passes for me now. It also didn’t hurt that Riley left pretty early on to go back to Becca, promising that he’d be back at sundown. I don’t care how fast the time passing thing is for ghosts; when Riley is around, time slows to a crawl.

Thanks to Michael-the-maybe-angel I had plenty to think about to keep me occupied. The basic gist I’m getting is that I need to find a way to resolve whatever crap I’m still holding on to in order to “move on” to whatever comes next. Turns out, when I decided to try and be honest with myself and really think about what that might entail, it became a pretty long list.

Mike was right, I have issues.

At the top of the list is my relationship with Jenna. She’s pretty much the last person I want to think about right now, and I could act like a complete child and just deny it until I’m forced to face it, but what’s the point? After the emotional butt kicking I received last night when Michael basically called me on all my bullshit, I realized that I spent an entire lifetime running away from stuff that made me uncomfortable or that I didn’t want to face. All that’s earned me is a one way ticket to bathroom purgatory. Mike was right, as hard as it may be to admit, it’s time I sucked it up and dealt with it. He could have been less of a jerk about it, but a spade’s a spade.

That doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy, and it doesn’t mean it’s at the top of my to-do list. I didn’t become the witty, neurotic, narcissist I am overnight, and a paradigm shift certainly isn’t going to change me that quickly either. It’s going to take progression, and as the popular saying goes: admittance is the first step. The next step is coming up with a game plan.

So it looks like I’m going to have to pull a Scrooge and face my past demons. I’m hoping I’m able to learn some stuff from the more experienced ghosts that might help in that regard, as I’m sure just figuring this crap out for myself isn’t going to give me all the closure I’ll need, or they’ll need, or however the hell this is supposed to work. Being able to interact with the living will be a big help.

Knowing that confronting Jenna is probably the biggest hurdle I’m going to have to face somehow makes the whole thing seem more manageable. I know where I need to go; I can see the mountain top, so now I just have to build myself up by tackling the little stuff, the little hills, until I feel ready to face Everest. Not that there’s really a lack of “little stuff”. While the tragic death of the only relationship I was ever capable of making work for any length of time was certainly a big factor in my decision throw in the towel in the game of life, it was hardly the only one. It really did feel like the whole world was out to get me. Trust me; there be hills a-plenty for me to climb.

But before any climbing can happen I need to get out of this damn bathroom.

The little Mickey Mouse clock mounted on the wall opposite the toilet tells me it’s six in the evening, which means that any minute now I should be good to go. I’m hesitant to test that theory by way of the doorway. Unmanly as that may sound, that shit hurt. Still, I’m not getting anywhere just sitting here being scared.

I walk over to the doorway and cautiously reach out my left hand… it goes through. No donkey-kick to the chest. Free at last, free at last! Still, I can’t help but wince as I step through the doorway, half expecting to get knocked on my butt anyway as some sort of spirit world practical joke. Thankfully, it doesn’t happen. I never thought I’d be so happy to see my Ikea-furnished living room.

I’d kill for a Frappuccino right now.

Just because I’m dead and don’t need to eat anymore doesn’t mean that those human cravings have gone. Thank God I never picked up smoking; otherwise I’d really be twitchy. I take a seat on my couch, twiddling my thumbs, and silently wish I could turn on the television. I’ve spent all day being introspective and it’d be nice to have something to take my mind off of things while I wait.

“Well, looks who’s finally out of the bathroom! How ya feeling, Dave?”

I glance up to see Riley’s head staring down at me from the ceiling. His right hand appears and gives me a little wave.

I stand up, anxious to get moving. “Much better, and itching to get out of here.”

“Well alrighty! Follow me.”

The head and hand disappear back into the ceiling above me and I leap after them. I catch up to Riley outside and fly alongside him, close enough so we can hear each other over the roar of the wind. “So where are we headed?”

“You know that YMCA downtown?”

I have to think for a second. “The one they closed a few years ago?”

“That’s the one. We meet in the basement. No one is likely to bother us down there.”

“So how many other spirits are we talking?”

“Hard to say. Depends on how many people in our area died without moving on, and how many of us spirits have moved on since last night.”

Makes sense. “How big is our area?”

“Just a few miles, man, otherwise it’d be nutso. Mike has a network of little hubs spread out in every city.”

I want to whistle, but flying at high speeds isn’t exactly conducive for that kind of thing. Now that Riley has pointed it out it seems obvious, but until now I never really thought about the logistics of how something like this would run. Especially when you consider Mike is doing it in every city in the world. At least, I assume he is. I guess if I were him I’d be a little crabby too if I had to stop managing a worldwide network of the wayward dead just to talk with one asshole.

The city whips by in a blur and it only takes us a few minutes to reach the YMCA. Without preamble we dip straight into the building and head for the basement, and I feel a little beam of pride in myself for not flinching this time as we ghost through the floors and walls. As we pass I can make out several homeless people who have taken up residence in the abandoned building. One enterprising couple has pulled in an old steel drum and has lit a fire for warmth. The bright orange sparks of ash dance dangerously close to flammable debris and walls. I guess someone shut off the sprinkler system in the building, or it just doesn’t work due to lack of maintenance.

It looks as though the entire first floor of the multi-storied building has been used as a large canvas for graffiti art, and I catch a glimpse of a particularly impressive looking dragon breathing fire before we dip below into the basement. Given the hobo-fire above, I fervently hope that wasn’t an omen. If so, we may have a few new members to our little support group tomorrow.

The basement is filled with broken chairs, old gym mats, and various other bits of dilapidated equipment that no one wanted to loot or bother burning. Unfortunately, being dead hasn’t dulled my senses much, so I get to enjoy the full bouquet of stale sweat, human feces, and broken dreams that permeates the very foundation of the building.

Fun fact: ghosts still have a gag reflex. When the full impact of the smell hits me I retch, and I hear Riley chuckling behind me.

“Yeah man, that smell is something else. Believe it or not, you get used to it.”

Huelk…Thanks for the warning, buddy.”

“Hey man, we’ve got to have some fun. Think of it as a newbie rite of passage.”  

Laughter echoes all around us as ten other spirits mist into view. They’re all the same blue-white luminescent glow as Riley and I, but there is a definite difference in body type and stature among them. It’s like I’m watching the Smurfs while tripping on LSD.

I smirk at the one leading the pack, who I assume is the one who just spoke. He’s a bit taller than the others and appears to have a thin frame that matches mine. “You must be Frat Boy Smurf. Nice to meet you.”

He chuckles and offers me a hand. “I’m Robin.”

I take the hand and give it a firm shake. I’m still amazed at how that works given we’re technically incorporeal. “And these are your merry men?”

He laughs as he lets me have my hand back. “Given that a few of them are women, no. We’re living in a politically correct society now. The proper phrase is ‘merry persons.’”

“My mistake. I’m David.”

He laughs again and gestures for me to follow. “C’mon, David, the smell isn’t so bad in here.”

He leads the charge as the others fall in line behind him, and we head into a side room that I assume used to be for extra storage. It’s since been converted into a ghost’s anonymous meeting room, complete with a circle of chairs. The only thing that’s missing is a table with refreshments in the back.

Robin takes a seat and we all follow suit. “All right everyone, let’s get this party started. We’ve already been introduced to David, but David hasn’t been introduced to us, so let’s do that now. Everyone concentrate just like we’ve been practicing.”

Everyone closes their eyes and, to my astonishment, one by one the group goes from smurf-o-vision to real life. Robin looks like a younger Mr. Rodgers, complete with yellow sweater and khakis. He’s flanked by an elderly lady in a yellow flower-print dress and an overweight, middle-aged, bald guy in a plumber’s uniform. His name tag says Robert. The others in the room are a nice mix of ages, races, and gender. There’s an African American guy, mid-late twenties, in a business suit; a young Hispanic couple in matching polos and jeans; and an elderly oriental man. My heart completely breaks when my eyes come to the last three. They’re kids- two boys and a little girl. They’re maybe eight years old and are all wearing t-shirts that read “Wilmington Elementary!” with a picture of a rainbow and multicultural stick figures with smiles on their faces holding hands under it.

I get a much-needed laugh when I get to Riley. In fact, I almost fall out of my chair because I’m laughing so hard. Riley is sporting dirty-blonde dreads, hemp khakis, and a “Jesus Saves After Every Level” t-shirt. He is a walking, talking cliché, and I love him for it.

“Dude, what is it?”

When I can manage to speak between gasps for air I manage, “I bet myself that you’d have dreads;” which sends me into a new fit of giggles that I just can’t stop. Then the kids join in and a few moments later everyone is having a good belly laugh, even Riley.

Eventually I try to apologize through wheezing breaths, but Riley just laughs along with the rest of us and pats me on the back. “It’s all good, man. I know I got style.”

When everyone sobers Robin nods at me. “Now it’s your turn, David. Close your eyes and think about who you are. Try and picture yourself in your mind as though you’re looking in a mirror.”

I tend to make jokes and be sarcastic when I’m nervous. It’s a defense mechanism and sometimes it makes me come off as kind of a douchebag, especially when the people I’m around are being serious or sincere.  That’s what happening now, with everyone’s eyes on me, but I fight the urge to make a comment and I do as he instructed.

I try to think of what I saw the last time I looked at myself in the mirror. It was yesterday morning, just before I took the razor to my wrists in my bathroom. I was about to get in the shower and prepare myself for another day at an office full of people I hate and who despise me right back…

I reach for the shaving cream on the counter and my hand pauses there, hovering just over where my Gillette razor is resting in its little holster. That’s when the idea hits me: What am I doing? Why am I even bothering? I hate my life. I hate my job. The one good thing I had, that had made me feel at least a little content, walked out on me, and I don’t blame her one bit.

I am a pathetic, unhappy man who is far too smart for his own good and has never made anything of himself with it. I’ve wasted my time. I’ve wasted my life. I’ve never really been happy. Why not just let it all go? What do I really have to live for?

I look up at the mirror. I stare into eyes like two chips of ice. They’re sad eyes, almost dead. I’m already almost dead.

Time to finish the job.

I flip the razor holster over to where the spare razors are held. I pull one out and look at it. No, this’ll be a pain in the ass to use. It won’t work. I open my drawer and I shove stuff around. I know it’s in here somewhere…there. I pull out an old straight razor. It used to be my grandfather’s. My father had given it to me on my sixteenth birthday. He’d told me I was a man now and it was time to start acting like one. He made me shave with it and I cut the hell out of myself that first time. He just laughed at me. He laughed as I bled and cried…

I open the razor and stare at the blade. It glints in the fluorescent light of my bathroom, mesmerizing me. I’d never realized just how beautiful the thing was. I feel a hunger growing inside me. My eyes are drawn down from the blade to my wrists. It’s like a siren’s call, and I know I’m doing the right thing.

The blade bites, red runs. I quickly switch hands while I still have feeling and do the other side. The blade falls from hands unable to hold it any longer. My knees go weak and drop me to the cold linoleum floor. I feel sticky warmth where the blood is pooling around my body, and I start to drift as my life drains away. The last thing I see before the darkness takes me are three men, all in shadow, smiling down at me with predatory grins…

Main Archive Page   Chapter 6 ->

Copyright © J.R. Broadwater 2013

All rights reserved

All of the characters are fictitious, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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Filed under Moving On, Ongoing Serials

Ask David Profiles on Our Books

Hey everyone. Ask David (the site with the creepy animated banner) just a did a profile on both You Only Die Twice and Down with the Thickness. Please check them out. If you’ve finished either book and haven’t already, that would be a good time to post a review of your own. We’re working as an indie group, so word of mouth is everything with getting this stuff out there. Right now this is my full time job, and what I bring home is basically what I make in profit on sales. Shawn and Cathy are doing me a huge favor right now by donating their services because, quite frankly, I’m not making enough to pay them anything yet. We’d really like to see this become a “thing” where we can get quality content out to you at affordable prices on a fairly regular basis. Not just novels and short stories, but comics and other fun projects as well. We all really appreciate your support and your help in getting the word out.

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Filed under Clay Colt, Down With The Thickness, Novels